My One True Love.

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Over the course of the last few of months I have become obsessed with the need to travel, to find a beach, to feel the sand and hear the sound of the crashing waves.

It is funny how something that I once took so much for granted, is so incredibly missed now, that I would almost do anything for the chance to experience it again. I don’t think its natural for anyone born on a tropical island to be this far away from a beach.

Try as I may, I can’t recall the exact moment when I decided to turn to large bodies of waters to quiet the stress of every day, but then for as long as I can remember they have always just sort of been there. It was always the obvious place to go to, whether to hang out or drown out life…

Its really hard to find yourself afflicted by much of anything life can throw at you when you are standing on the shore. The waves crash at your feet, the sound is soothing in ways that only someone familiar with it can fully comprehend. The sand, annoying as though it may be, offers an odd kind of comfort and distraction. The majestic sky is stunning any time of day or night and together, the immensity of it all allows for the absolute certainty that God is real and no problem is too big or small for He who created such a stunning image for our viewing pleasure.

In the late of 1998, in the company of the then boyfriend, I fell in love with the place that is barely identifiable at the end of the picture. Towards the end of the year, E & I used to spend a lot of time looking out at the waters & listening to the sounds of the crashing sea from the outside of the stunning Castillo San Felipe del Morro in Old San Juan.

At this point in my life my grandfather, who had been the only reliable male figure in my life up until that point, was in the hospital & coincidentally enough my sister was in and out of the same hospital with one of the many different illnesses that plagued her through most of 1999. My mom practically lived in that hospital & my step dad spent much of his time at work and helping out my mom and that created a vacant slots for a pair responsible adults to run the house and manage other areas of life and E & I spent a lot of time graciously [or as graciously as 2 teenagers could] taking over said roles. This place served as a haven, on the weekends, where we could just drown out and sometimes even quiet our hectic life.

By February of 2000 my grandfather passed away and not long after his death E & I went our separate ways, not for his lack of trying or being loving and supportive through my grief. He was perfect, in just about every way a 18 yr old boy can be when his 17 yr old girlfriend’s life is nothing short of a soap opera, and with that break up came the string of horribly thought out decisions that would later become what I now call my life… but I am getting away from the point of the story.

Shortly after E & I went our separate ways, I was introduced to a quiet little piece of heaven [picture not included] by a couple of friends. Slightly hidden in plain sight in the tourist trap that is Isla Verde, and as time went on, this place, the place that for almost a year now I have found myself dreaming about, became like a 2nd home for me. Or maybe more like a 3rd.

It was, or could very well still be, a quiet little strip of beach conveniently close to a bar and even more conveniently empty, where memories & dreams were born. A place that became so close to my heart, I cannot for the life of me remember a single memory that isn’t attached to it in one way or another, and try as hard as I may I cant imagine how it is that I haven’t set foot there in over 7 years.

Its a place where many bad days came to an end, in the company of those who once upon a time knew me better than I knew myself. A place so full of peace that everything else just melted away. A place that embodied love and friendship but most importantly, childhood and innocence. It is a place that represents everything that was simple at a time where it did not seem so. A place that now serves as the reminder of those simpler days, before cell phones and iPod’s, where people could share so much and yet say so little.

I find myself homesick for a place that is not really home and yet the closes thing to. A place that is more of a representation of something than it is something in and of itself, and that can be found simply by locating the nearest beach, which for me, in this God forsaken state is about 8 hrs south or 10 hrs west.

I find myself longing for my safe place. Dreaming of the one thing that always put this insane world into perspective. Hoping beyond hope, for the feel of the sand, the sounds of the crashing waves and the smell of the salty air…. because that is the one place where everything makes sense and yet nothing really matters.

It is where I find peace. Where I feel safe and loved. Where I lay doubts to rest and I am certain of so much more than I ever should be. Its where I always find God’s peace, love and presence.
It is without a doubt the one place on earth where I finally feel like I belong…

It is the ONE place on earth that will ever fully own my heart. It is truly the love of my life.

[Disclaimer: Originally posted to my Jux, http://naryamie.jux.com on January 10th 2014]

I am sorry but, I can keep quiet no longer…

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These days, I hate logging onto Facebook.
I have un-followed a lot of pages because I feel like everyone is sharing something or other to cause anger and chaos. Everyone has something to complaint about. Everything is such a problem. The rights of the left have been affected but who cares about those of us on the right…

People want what they want without thinking {or caring} about how it affects everyone else. We all want liberty and equality until someone disagrees with you and then they must be silenced.

We are being played folks. We are being pitted off against each other, and I for one can help but wonder WHY?

We need to learn to disagree and respect.

I disagree with a lot of things I see, hear and know and yet I respect the people who are making the choices. It is their life.

I have remained silent on the Obamacare/Hobby Lobby issue but, I noticed how it was OK {for a lot of people} for the law to force someone to pay for a procedure for someone else, that they wouldn’t pay for, for themselves and yet when the courts rules for Hobby Lobby that became an issue.

Why do you want the government and your employer to have a say in what happens in your bedroom? To have a say in what you do with your body? I cant grasp that.

Friends, I love you and I am here for you in good and bad times, but I would NOT put myself through an abortion and I would not pay for/loan you the money to pay for yours. I respect your choice to have an abortion but I wont go with you to get one either.
I can be your friend and disagree with you. I don’t have to approve or agree with all of your choices, I just have to love you in-spite of them. If that makes me a bad friend in your eyes, than I really am sorry you feel that way.

There really is no excuse, in the age of technology, where everything is one click away, for people to not be better educated on abstinence, birth controls and condoms. Ignorance shouldn’t even be an option these days.

We have computers, smart phones and smart cars and yet people are getting dumber by the minute. Actions have consequences folks, we all know that.
Sex leads to pregnancy as it has since the dawn of time, why are people suddenly so shocked? And when did having a family become so wrong? I know, getting married and having children isn’t for everyone but there are other methods, other options. Abortion isn’t the only answer to the problem.

I have chosen to be quiet all this time because my views don’t fall to one end or the other, and that in itself is a problem for some. I have to pick a side. I have to, they say! But life is messy and complicated, so why do we expect things to be so black and white?

Think on this, if you will:

You are the only one that has to live with the consequences of your actions. You are the one who has to be able to sleep at night. You can be pro or against abortion or any other topic, but you have to respect that while you may be for it, there are those of us who are against it and vice-a-versa. You wouldn’t want someone to shove their views down your throat and yet you are so quick to shove yours down theirs? Why must you have someone else’s approval on your views? You are allowed to feel and think as you please. You are an individual! Are you really so insecure that you have to have the worlds approval?

Yes, I am a Christian, I believe in God and The Bible. Maybe you reading this, do not share my views and that is OK. You may be right or I may be, we don’t really know for sure and when we do know, it will be too late, we cant come back from death to say “I am sorry, I was wrong.”
But I will leave knowing that I have loved people, encouraged them, supported them and always told them my true views to the best of my abilities. I will not shove my God and my anti-abortion views down your throat. Please don’t shove your views down mine. I am willing to discuss our different views, I am very open minded but don’t get upset if you cant change my mind.

At the risk of sounding dramatic, our nation is in trouble.

We The People, no longer matter.

We The People, work ourselves to death, neglect family time and just about everything else to pay bills,keep a roof over our heads and food on the table [though many work and cant even do that] and keep our government living a lifestyle that we can only dream about. We have to come together, we have to find a common ground and together, fight for what is best for this country, for the people here now and the children who will have this world tomorrow. What are we leaving them? Nothing worth having.

They have us fighting among ourselves on topics that while relevant to many, are not exactly as important as the topics that are being ignored. Take a step back and see the whole picture, keep an open mind, be willing to learn something educate yourself on both sides of the argument and learn something new and you might be surprised to see all that you’ve missing…

A 24 hour tale…

It is every parents dream to raise children they can be proud of. Proper men and women, good people, hard-workers of strong character and beliefs who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in… Well, at lease that’s my dream.

I can’t take full credit for my children. It really does take a village and while for many people, the village sucks, mine is very awesome. I truly have an incredibly support system, husband, mom, sister, brother in law, aunts and friends. Everyone pours a little bit of their awesomeness into these kids and it shows in them every single day.

We teach the kids that you do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. You help where you can, and you don’t do it for praise or recognition. God is watching and that truly is all you need. However, I am allowed to be a proud mom, aren’t I?

Yesterday,  June 29th 2014, as I was running errands with the kids, we stumbled upon a mother of two begging for money. I had to turn her away, because my son had just made me donate all my change for the homeless pets at PetSmart not 20 minutes earlier.
I know, people have a problem with giving money away to homeless and beggars, I have heard all your reasons for this, but God knows I’m giving them the money to help, what they choose to do with it, is up to them, but I digress.

Kaleb, who turned 10 in February, told me as we walked away that he had a $5 bill he wanted to give to them. I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he wanted to give the money away, he is taking a trip with my mom in just a few short weeks and has been saving some money for it and multiple times he said that, yes, he really did want her to have it and so we turned around and called out to her and he opened up his wallet and gave her the money. She wouldn’t take it at first. The look of shock was clear on her face and she looked at me for confirmation, I said “it’s OK. He wants you to have it.” And she took it, with tears in her eyes. I really wished I could have done more, and I’m hindsight, I guess I really could have but at the moment I was wrapped up in the errands and totally forgot that Walmart was full of opportunities to help.

Today, just less than 24 hrs after Kaleb’s act of love upon a stranger, I am sitting at Illusions Beauty Salon in Grand Prairie, anxiously awaiting Anika’s turn…

About 3 months ago, my 6 yr old daughter (who turns 7 in November) approached us with the wish to donate her long hair to the Children with Hair Loss. I did the research and while they do welcome all hair donations, the hair they use for the pieces for the children has to be at lease 10″ from tip to tip. I explained this to her and she was willing to wait because she wanted her hair to go a child who needed it more than she did, those were her exact words.

So here we are, finally taking the plunge. Her hair grew roughly 6″ in 3 months… And now it’s {mostly} gone.

As her mom, it was one of the most mixed feeling moments of my life with her thus far. Proud of her and yet really wishing she would choose to keep it and yet knowing how selfish and petty I was being. It is just hair after all, it will grow and this provides her with a much needed change.

As a parent, it is very difficult to let go, to sit back and allow your child to make his or her own decision {age appropriate decisions} and trust that they have been listening to all that you have been teaching them. In this particular instance, both of my children’s heart were in the right place and I was right in allowing them to make their decisions all on their own.

We are very proud of them both!

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Frozen.

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I grew up on Disney movies. I think, most of us did.
Some of my favorite Disney movies as a child were Aladdin, The Lion King, and The Little Mermaid is my absolutely favorite Disney princess, even though the Princess’ were never really my thing.

Recently, I came home to be sold on the many reason’s why I needed to watch Frozen. Now mind you, I was already curious of the movie because in the weeks following its release I had stumbled upon this little jewel right here. I think a friend of mine had shared it on Facebook  or something and of course at the moment I hadn’t seen it yet and so I couldn’t comment for it or against it.

I am a very strict mom that pays very close attention to everything my children [who are 10 & 6] are exposed to, I monitor and have final say in everything they read, play and watch. You may not agree with how I parent these kids, and that is OK. We can argue that point at a later time.

I have since watched Frozen a handful of times, always reaching the same conclusion about the movie and the aforementioned post, which is this:

It saddens me. It absolutely breaks my heart that the message that these two men took from the movie Frozen, was that it promotes homosexuality. I consider myself a very open minded person, and I would love to hear these two explain HOW they got to the conclusion that the movie promotes homosexuality in our children, but since that wont happen, I must reach some conclusions of my own.

It cannot be because of the fact that Anna braved the winter to find Elsa.

I cannot be because Anna did all she could to bring Elsa home.

It cannot be because the act of true love that saved Anna’s life was sacrificing herself for Elsa.

I know for a fact that none of these can possibly be the reasons for the point of view they reached because Elsa and Anna are sister who lost their parents at a young age and only have each other and in truth, isn’t family the most important thing?

I’m the oldest of 2 girls in my house, my mom is the oldest of 3. If there was one thing I grew up knowing is that you do anything for family, short of killing someone for no reason, that is.

Yes, I am aware that this is just a movie and that this is just the ignorant opinion of two people who represent “Christianity” and maybe that is why it bothers me so much, because lately there is so much bad representation of the Christian community in the media. And maybe I am just over-reacting to the ignorance. Or maybe their ignorance bothers me BECAUSE I would jump in front of a bullet for my sister, and my sister would do so as well for me. And I really believe that to be the case with most of us when it comes to our family, whether siblings or children or parents… Does this make us homosexual? Does putting my life on the line for someone I love make me gay? And if so, then am I mistaken in my interpretation of what 90% of the Bible teaches? Because here I thought the main concept of the Bible was to teach you to love. To love friends and family and neighbors and strangers, prostitutes, homosexuals, tax collectors and widows and just about every type or sinner there is. . .

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” -John 15:13

To you, Old Friend.

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For some months now I have been meaning to sit down and write this for you to [maybe] some day find.

I do not feel as though I owe you an explanation, but here I am taking up my rare free time to give that which you have not earned. Rest assured that it is more for me, than it is for you.

Over the course of the last 13 yrs you have been a constant ghost in my life. A black cloud which comes and goes and which never leaves sunshine behind.

It has been 13 yrs of walking on the proverbial hamster wheel, watching the same scenery go by, never allowing anything to truly move forward. Especially not ourselves, not with those endless walks down memory lane. But the view has been… distorted. We stopped seeing things as though they really were many years ago and seem to have chosen to write a children’s bedtime fantasy in its place.
I allowed this distorted vision of the past to twist my reality of the present and the future, and along with that little mistake came the pedestal in which I put you on for no other reason than that I convinced myself that you were the greatest friend to ever walk the earth. Not quite so true thought, is it?

So pathetically predictable have we been, that I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that, you will be back, you always are. Only this time you wont find me, and for this reason alone is that I am leaving behind this explanation. or lack there of.

Our friendship, and I use the term loosely, has been an intense roller-coaster ride of emotions that fluctuate so frequently that I don’t think we have ever, once, been on the same page. And while your choices were never quite fair to me, I always respected them though I did not always understand them.

Why did it always have to be all or nothing?

In the past though, as you walked away from me for the millionth time, I was always left feeling hurt, slighted and rejected, something I don’t think you ever really thought about. I always took comfort in the fact that you would undoubtedly return, as you always did, and this time things would be different, and though they never were, I always believed things would one day change once and for all.

So why are we here?

 

Because people change.

 

I changed.

 

And though you left once again, like a thief in the night with the promise of tomorrow, this time I found myself realizing something powerful. I felt relieved that you were gone. Not at first, mind you. At first I was as angry as I have always been and in a mess of tears because I allow you to do this time and time again, and that was when I started to realized that my anger was not at you, but at me.

I prayed about it and I realized that the only way to change things once and for all, was for me to do so.

I wish I could say its been a pleasure, but you & I both know that would be a lie.

 

“Letting go isn’t a one time thing. It’s something you do every day, over and over again.” -Dawson’s Creek